Universal Funeral
by Insane-Contrast
Summary: First chapter is serious. Following chapters are semi-serious!
1. Psychotic Prisoner

Universal Funeral Chapter 1

Psychotic Prisoner

Ryou woke up covered in blood and he discovered he was holding a machine gun in one hand and a blood soaked knife in the other. Before him, about 100 innocent people lay in deathly silence with their internal organs sprawled out in a mess on the ground. Some of their limbs had been torn off by brute force. Their faces expressed their utter fear and despair. They looked as though they'd been through hell. Blood was still pouring from their tearful eyes.

Ryou realized he was lying in the middle of a bloodbath and it looked like it was all his doing. His mind convinced him… he would never do something like this… but the evidence was overwhelming. The blood on Ryou was not his own, it was of the innocent victims all around him. Ryou felt himself going faint… he wanted to scream… he would never do anything like this! Surely he didn't lose his mind overnight?

"Drop your weapons!" An angry voice called from the distance. Ryou looked in the direction the voice came from… it was the army! They even had a tank with them. There were at least 100 guns pointed at Ryou. He was wanted. A lot. And the army were not taking any chances. Ryou had no choice. They would kill him if he resisted in the slightest. He dropped the machine gun and the knife into the massive bloodbath.

"Stand away from the bloodbath!" The next order boomed out. Ryou obeyed. Only then did Ryou notice that the police were here too. Several soldiers ran forward to disable Ryou. They threw him to the ground and he was promptly handcuffed. "End of the line, you sadistic bastard" One of them yelled. "We're placing you under arrest…" Said a police officer to Ryou. Ryou felt sick… this was the worst morning ever.

Ryou was taken into an army truck and driven to a high security prison. Several armed soldiers were there too. Ryou had no chance of escape. "What are your parents going to think about this?" One of them joked at Ryou. Ryou had lost contact with his mother… but he was sure his father was going to disown him for this apocalyptic act. Heck, he was sure he'd get the death sentence. He didn't know what to do. He was only fifteen years old after all.

After about an hour of depressing thoughts, Ryou noticed the truck had stopped. "We're here. Get off slowly" One of the soldiers ordered to Ryou. "We'll have to wash you first and give you prison clothes" Another ordered. Yes the blood really had to go if Ryou was to look normal.

Before he knew it, Ryou was being detained… there was no point in interrogating him the police thought. He was surely the mass murderer. For Ryou, there was no hope in hell.

"So, you're the new criminal here?" The prison guard asked. Even although he secretly detested being called criminal, Ryou knew by now, he can't argue. "Yes" Ryou answered quickly. "Your have a cellmate you know" The guard replied. "Where is he?" Ryou enquired. "We caught him yesterday, he's in court as we speak. He did much the same as you did. Court doesn't last long for you types because you both have overwhelming evidence against you both." The guard responded. "It'll be nice to have some company" Ryou said too quickly. "I don't think you want to know this guy… now get in your cell." The guard finished.

Inside the cell, it was like living in a cube made of metal. Even the window had spikes over it… which were covered in blood. The door, the walls, the floor and even the roof was made of solid metal. There was no way out. He saw a bed with satanic symbols drawn all over it in what Ryou hoped was red pen. That must be his cellmate's bed. Ryou decided he should sit on the other bed on the other side of the room. He had yet to come to terms with his cruel fate. Surely the court would fin him innocent. Ryou knew to the best of his knowledge, he was not a murderer. He was a good person. But now the only one who would believe that was himself and it greatly pained him mentally. He was being put in a prison full of the most dangerous criminals imaginable. It was totally bloody unjustifiable.

Several miles away, a court case was under way, with Ryou's future cellmate. The audience looked at the criminal in extreme awe. He was the toughest of his kind. His mere appearance was terrifying. He was deathly white skinned with bright white hair and blood red eyes that glared menacingly at anyone who spoke to him. He wasn't super tall, he was six foot tall. Yet he had never lost a fight. He was caught yesterday in the act of murdering over 200 people. How he did it was beyond any reasoning. He was super sadistic and it showed.

"Mr Lucifer, the evidence is overwhelming, I have to pass sentence" The judge said sternly. "My name is Kura, use it or fucking die" The blood red eyed demon replied.

"I sentence Mr Lucifer to death by firing squad… but we're going to have to imprison him for about a year until we have an execution slot. Lots of death penalties been handed out recently." The judge finished.

And with that, Kura still was still smiling. "Oh fucking bring it on" He yelled and he was dragged into an army vehicle headed for the same prison Ryou was in. He'd been detained yesterday in that exact prison. He did have a cellmate at the time but his cellmate was discovered one morning impaled on the window spikes. Kura said his 'buddy' couldn't take it anymore and committed suicide. It looked suspicious but since Kura had already been convicted of killing at least 200 by hand, what point was there in charging him with one more murder?

Ryou was about to face the court now. Six hours of mental torment later, the metal door opened. "You're going to court right now… I'm sure I'll be seeing you again." The guard commanded. By the time Kura got back, Ryou was gone to court. Everyone in the prison was scared of Kura. There was something satanic about him. He hadn't been in prison long but his presence was well known. Even the guards gave Kura a wide berth. They wouldn't interfere with Kura.

Ryou's worst fears came true. His father hated him now. The judge's verdict was final… he was going to be killed at the same time as some guy called Mr Lucifer. The name said it all. Ryou did plead not guilty but it had no effect. He was doomed.

Soon he was back at the prison. Back in the same cell. He looked at his cellmate, which was Kura.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Kura screeched at the youngster.

"…Hello" Ryou replied, full of fear.

"The last dumbfuck person that said that to me died" Kura swiftly responded.

"Who was he?" Ryou squeaked.

"My last damn cellmate" Kura said before laughing.

Then, Kura walked over to Ryou and pressed him against the wall.

"Do you see the wonderful blood on that spiked window over there, kid?" Kura boomed loudly.

"Yes" Ryou muttered.

"That will be you if you mess with me" Kura replied angrily.

"I won't mess with you, I promise" Ryou gasped.

"You're already a fucking nuisance. Why don't I just kill you now, you little moron?" Kura challenged the youngster.

"No…please don't do this…" Ryou cried as Kura punched him in the stomach. Kura was way too strong.

"Fine, you may live. Consider yourself lucky, manslut." Kura commanded.

Kura let go of Ryou.

"Why are you here anyway?" Kura demanded.

"I'm wrongly accused of killing about 100 people with a machine gun and a knife. I would never do something like that." Ryou replied, still shaking.

"Oh I did that." Kura said quite proudly.

"Then how did I wake up with a machine gun and a knife… in the middle of it all?" Ryou asked.

"That was Diablos's doing. I killed those people using psychic powers. I can create quite a bloodbath using them you know. Diablos was a so called friend. He told me how to cover up this crime by making it look like someone else had done it. He found you in a house nearby when you were asleep. He arranged the cover up. He told me about it later and soon after we fell out, because he is not human… I killed him… I did the world good you know. He was horrible. I never knew who you were, I had never seen you until now that we're both in this cell." Kura explained.

"Psychic powers? Are you insane?" Ryou replied shocked.

"Yes, very, why is that a problem?" Kura answered.

"No, not at all…. But I'm in prison for something I didn't do… they're going to kill me…" Ryou said as tears began to form in his green eyes.

"Well, you refer to me as Kura or you die. What is your name?" Kura asked.

"…Ryou…" The small boy sobbed.

"They're going to try and kill me in about a year." Kura replied.

"Same here, they're going to kill me at the same time as someone called Mr Lucifer." Ryou said, still crying.

"Hey, that's me. You call me Kura. You got that?" Kura said angrily.

"Yes, Kura." Ryou managed to sob.

"Will you quit fucking crying, you little manwhore?" Kura said almost softly.

"…I'm 15 years old and I'm facing death. Don't I have a right to cry?" Ryou said sadly.

"Listen kid, I'm 17, I've been killing since I was 10, but I'm not crying. Murder is a masterpiece… a work of art to me. I enjoy killing, is that hard to understand?" Kura answered.

"How could you possibly enjoy killing?" Ryou questioned.

"Ryou, I have a secret and I think you do too. You just don't realize we're not human. These pathetic mortals are not going to kill us." Kura said before he jolted forward and wrapped his arms around the younger boy.

"What are you doing?" Ryou shouted.

"Shut the fuck up, no-one can hear you. Soundproof walls, baby." Kura said as he dragged Ryou by force onto the ground, then he climbed on top of the youngster.

"…Please don't take my innocence" Ryou begged his attacker.

"I'm going to give you a choice, so listen up kid. You can become my manslut and I'll give you my protection from the rest of the prisoners or you can die here and now. What's it going to be?" Kura asked.

"I'll do as you say, Kura." Ryou replied quickly.

"Good boy" Kura said before he kissed the youngster.

"…are you going to rape me, Kura?" Ryou questioned.

"I don't feel like fucking you. You're the first thing I don't feel like killing. I'm worried I'm going bloody soft. But I like you, kid. And I promise we'll get out of here alive." Kura said softly.

"You're the best, Kura" Ryou said as he hugged Kura.

"I have a half-brother that's a lawyer. He'll get me out of here. And you as well. I'll make sure he does." Kura replied.

"What's his name?" Ryou asked.

"Bowser." Kura answered.

"What if he loses the case?" Ryou said worriedly.

"Then I'll call upon my mighty father…" Kura responded.

"Wouldn't he disown you for murder?" Ryou asked.

"Not my father. He does murder too you know." Kura proudly answered.

"Strange" Ryou said suddenly.

"What?" Kura said confused.

"Are those horns on you head… real?" Ryou said weakly.

"Yes, they are. What, did you think they were artificial or something?" Kura laughed.

"…Yeah" Ryou replied.

"What about this then?" Kura said and he retracted his demonic wings that had spikes all over them.

"Oh my god. Let me out of here!" Ryou begged.

"I can retract these wings physically. I haven't learned to fly yet. But maybe it's how we'll get out of here." Kura answered; ignoring his victim's pleas, before retracting his wings again… he had to hide them.

"This is impossible… demons don't exist!" Ryou yelled.

"My, you are really ignorant. Am I ever unlucky…. The only angel I meet close up and he's a fucking idiot." Kura replied.

"Sorry, Kura." Ryou pleaded.

"That's more like it. You tell no-one my secret or else. If you know what's best for you, obey me." Kura answered.

"Yes, Kura. How do we know what time it is?" Ryou asked.

"There's a clock here. 2200 hours already, time to sleep. We get up for breakfast at 0800 hours. Go to your bed, kid." Kura ordered.

The next morning, Ryou got up first, he didn't want to wake Kura up… that would be like having some serious death wish. The door was open. He left the cell and headed for the breakfast area. There were guards along the corridor at this time. When Ryou got to his destination, he noticed it was a wide open space. Ryou hated large open spaces. It scared the hell out of him.

"Hey David, this kid looks new. Let's give him a welcome." One of the inmates said to another. How nice of them, thought Ryou… that is until he got the welcome.

"Welcome to the party" An inmate said and knocked Ryou over. "No, don't hurt me!" Ryou begged but he was beaten up by the inmates. He was an easy target. The guards never interfered with the prisoners, no matter what; these prisoners were the most dangerous type there was. Some of them were on death row just like Ryou and Kura. "Why should we stop? We're having fun!" One inmate said as he kicked Ryou. "Because Kura is my friend, he'll protect me." Ryou sobbed. "No way, Kura befriends no one. He would sooner kill you." An inmate replied.

"Good morning fuckers" Said an angry voice. Kura was there. He had gotten up a few minutes after Ryou.

"This kid claims he's your friend. Maybe you want to beat the crap out of him for us?" An inmate said.

"This kid isn't my fucking friend…" Kura replied and he walked forward. Everyone backed away from Ryou as Kura approached him. Ryou couldn't believe he was hearing this. He braced himself for the beating of his life.

"…He's my boyfriend" Kura finished his sentence. Ryou felt somewhat relived as Kura helped him back onto his feet.

"You're gay!" Some of the inmates yelled at Kura.

"No, I'm fucking bisexual, alright? And nobody touches Ryou, apart from me, got that?" Kura shouted as he picked up one of the yelling inmates and stabbed him in the gut with the horns on his (Kura's) head.

He had killed yet again and he enjoyed it.

Kura walked away from the corpse and laughed.

"From now on, you stay near me, got that, manwhore?" Kura said to Ryou.

"Yes, Kura." Ryou replied.

When everyone had finished their breakfast, the inmates went back to their cells and the metal doors were locked again. Some guards dragged the dead inmate's body away. It didn't matter; the guy was on death row.

"So, how are you doing, kid? They beat you pretty bloody bad." Kura asked.

"I'm hurting a lot." Ryou replied, almost crying.

"They won't beat you up again, I promise." Kura said.

"Thank you so much, Kura" Ryou answered gratefully.

"We go outside for exercise at 10AM. But we don't need to." Kura explained.

"Why?" Ryou asked, confused.

"Because nobody messes with me. Not even the guards." Kura replied.

"Where are we going to go when we get out of here?" Ryou questioned.

"We can live with my father." Kura answered.

"Where does he live?" Ryou enquired.

"Hell" Kura responded quickly.


	2. Hell's Ambassador

Universal Funeral Chapter 2

**Hell's Ambassador**

Morning.

Kura woke up with a laser gun pointed at his face. Diablos was back.

"Now you will die" Diablos roared as he pulled the trigger. Big mistake. For Diablos. Kura could move like lightening, he grabbed the gun out of Diablos's hand and aimed at Diablos. Bang. Result Diablos damaged. He was going to take a lot more damage than that.

"Diablos, you cannot beat me!" Kura murmured.

Ryou ran over and began to punch Diablos.

"It's your fault I'm here and I'm going to kill you! I am not weak!" Ryou yelled in a blind rage. He used powerful light magic on Diablos without understanding what he was doing. Diablos was thrown into a portal to hell. "And don't come back!" Screamed Ryou. The portal closed. Ryou was so mad his mind had somehow switched into survival mode and he defeated the demon.

Then Ryou felt himself paralyzed.

"Clam down, little angel." Kura said. He had done the paralysis. Ryou knew Kura was more powerful than him… but Ryou was no weakling in reality. He just didn't know he was powerful. Ryou calmed down.

"I'm alright now. Please stop this paralysis, Kura" Ryou begged.

Kura stopped the paralysis. "Now tell me how you managed to defeat such a powerful demon as Diablos so quickly."

"Kura, it was easy. I was mad. It's his fault I'm here. Plus he was attacking you."

"Why did you throw him to hell? How did you know he'd hate that!?" Kura asked.

"That's where demons belong." Ryou answered quickly.

"Yes but not him. He tries to stay out of hell. My father, Blood Falcon will find him and kill him." Kura replied.

"How can you be so certain your dad can kill Diablos?" Ryou questioned.

"He's on the same power level as me. Enough said." Kura responded smiling.

Far away.

Bowser Lucifer found the case very difficult to fight. Indeed he was finding it hard to pack his suitcase of documents for the upcoming death row case involving his half brother. He would need his suitcase to hold the best stuff possible to fight this case. He finished packing after placing a star rod in his case. It would prove to be a powerful weapon should he encounter any difficulties… or angels. He had strict orders from his younger half brother Kura to win this case while keeping a low profile. Bowser was a brilliant lawyer in hell and now his expertise were needed on Earth.

If Bowser saw an angel, he'd kill it. Demons have a natural instinct to destroy angels, and Bowser was no different.

A family friend of the Lucifer family was Falco Lombardi… well when he was drunk. He gave Bowser a ride in his Arwing (spaceship) from Mars (hell) to Earth… while under the influence.

In court, Bowser's appearance was questioned.

"What type of creature are you?" The judge asked him first.

"I had a lot of plastic surgery and it went wrong" Bowser lied… something he was very good at.

"Very well. Let this case begin." The judge narrowed his eyes.

"Kura is innocent. What evidence do you have against him?" Bowser challenged the court confidently.

"We caught the massacre of about 200 people on CCTV. What better proof do we need? Have you read the document we gave you this morning, containing the charges against your client?"

"I'm learning to" Bowser stuttered feeling a little stupid.

"…Sure. Well do you have some documents with you in the defense of your client?"

"I have them right here" Bowser boasted as he opened that case he fought so hard this morning.

He took out a paperback book with giant letters of the front saying 'English language for 5-7 year olds'.

"Is this joke? You must not waste court time!" The judge said a tad too loudly.

"OBJECTION! This is serious business! I'm learning to read. My homeland has no books."

"This is going to be a long case. Court adjourned until he learns to read" The judge finished the session.

After this, Bowser went to visit Kura in prison.

"Mr Lucifer, there's someone claiming to be your half brother, he wants to see you. He's called Bowser and he really overdid the plastic surgery." A guard called.

"Fine. I'll be taking my cellmate to see him too if you don't mind." Kura said as he gave an evil glare to the guard.

"Of… of... of course Mr Lucifer. I don't mind."

And so both Kura and Ryou went to the visiting room. Bowser was on the other side of a transparent barrier.

"Long time, no see…" Bowser began but he saw Ryou "Kura! Let me kill that angel!" Bowser yelled as he slashed through the barrier and charged at Ryou.

"Don't kill that angel! He belongs to me." Kura shouted and it stopped Bowser in his tracks.

"Have you gone soft, Kura?" Bowser muttered.

"NO. This is my angel and I intend to rape it!" Kura screeched back.

"…Ok. Let's just discuss what we have to do to get you and… uhm that angel. Is it a him or a her?" Bowser questioned.

"Ryou is a boy-angel. Can't you tell?" Kura complained.

"No, not really. He's quite effeminate somehow. Well down to the case. I have to learn how to read before I can help you." Bowser answered lamely.

"Well you better beat this case. Then I can return home to hell… with my specimen… sorry I mean angel." Kara boasted.

Bowser frowned before he spoke.

"Hmm… now you DID tell the angel what you've done to your previous lovers, right?"

A wide smile spread across Kara's face. He enjoyed saying this.

"I'm hell's sadistic mad scientist! To me, a lover is a specimen! And you, my dear Ryou, would make a fantastic specimen! We're going to have so much fun together!"

Ryou's reply was fast. "You can't do this to me!"

"You're in denial, angel!" Kura snapped back.

"Is there anything else you haven't told me!?" Ryou yelled.

Kura's eyes gleamed and his twisted mind went to work.

"Rape, Bestiality, Guns, Knives, Spikes, Blood, Exorcism, Sadism, Chains, Fire, Electricity…"

Ryou just stared for a while before saying "I'm sorry I asked!"

"Well it seems you two get along perfect… maybe you should meet Kura's dad tonight." Bowser interrupted.

"How can I get into hell from a prison cell, Bowser?" Kura asked, confused.

Bowser replied in an instant.

"Your dad will come to collect you and he can take you back to the prison cell in the morning…"

That night.

A pentagram of fire appeared on the prison cell floor and Blood Falcon rose from the center, covered in flames.

"Hi dad" Kura said.

"Let's go home, my son… and don't forget your specimen over there." Blood Falcon replied.

Kura grabbed a terrified Ryou and followed his dad (Kura's) through the circle of fire into the center of the earth. Very fast. They were teleported from the center of the earth to mars. A.K.A. Hell.

Kura was in his familiar home land. The red land of hell. Half of it was freezing cold and the other half was burning hot.

All around them, lost souls were being tormented with tortures too horrific to mention here…well okay…you really want to know… Let's just say bad things like drowning in boiling blood while having your limbs torn off one by one and stabbed with spikes at the same time…ok I'll stop now!

A giant black dog with red eyes and three heads ran up to Kura and bowed before him.

"I see you have kept Cerberus well, my pet, while I was away, father. Kura stated as he patted Cerberus's heads one by one.

"He's very useful. The lost souls hate him when he tears them apart with his claws, again and again." Blood Falcon smiled.

"Well, am I allowed to keep this angel?" Kura pointed at Ryou.

"…Well remember the last time you 'kept' an angel!" Blood Falcon looked serious.

"AGHHHHHH! Dad please don't open those horrible mental wounds again!" Kura shouted, clearly unhappy.

"Is this angel different to that Marth angel that managed to escape you?" Blood Falcon questioned Kura.

"Ryou is no where near as powerful as Marth is. Ryou will be easy to keep captive." Kura answered.

And with that, Kura left Blood Falcon and headed towards a giant black castle.

"Where are you taking me?" Ryou squeaked.

"I live in here. This is my castle. In hell." Kura replied.

Bowser was waiting at the front of the castle.

"Well Kura, how innocent is your specimen?"

Kura thought for a second and replied "Almost fully innocent… but not for long!"

"Hmmm I want to give your angel a hug." Bowser responded.

Ryou looked shocked.

"Give the turtle demon a hug!" Kura interrupted.

"Yeah Kura's always been the popular demon… watch the spikes." Bowser muttered as Ryou hugged him.

"What a night this has been… first I find out I'm a specimen to a sadistic mad scientist dempire, then I see Satan, then I go to hell and now I hug a giant turtle demon!" Ryou murmured.

"Your night is going to get a whole lot stranger soon!" Kura said as his extreme impatience began to show.

Kura picked Ryou up, waved bye to Bowser and entered his (Kura's) castle.

"What are you going to do to me?" Ryou screamed.

"I'm going to challenge you to a game of Super Smash Bros Melee!" Kura said evilly.

Ryou grinned. He could do this. Very easily.

"I choose Bowser, who do you choose, Ryou?" Kura asked when the game was underway.

"Fox! As I always do!" Ryou said cheerfully.

"WHAT! Have you played this game before!?" Kura uttered, surprised.

"I'm the universal champion!" Ryou replied.

Ryou was too fast for Kura.

Ryou won.

"My, you are very good at this game." Kura said in conclusion.

"Thanks, Kura." Ryou said.

"But you won't win this game!" Kura replied before laughing manically.

Kura grabbed Ryou and tied him to a bed using chains… then Kura broke down and cried.

"What is going on!?" Ryou yelled as loud as he could.

"I… can't do it! Something is stopping me… I was going to rape you… I just feel like I can't…" Kura sobbed.

Ryou looked perplexed.

"I've never seen a demon cry before. Well, why don't you untie me then… and I'll tell you what's gone wrong."

Kura untied Ryou and hugged him.

"You don't want to hurt me… because you love me!" Ryou said happily.

"…Please don't tell anyone how soft I am with you. My father would disown me! My half brother would want to destroy me!" Kura said through tears.

"Don't worry I won't tell anyone…master." Ryou responded.

Kura stopped crying in an instant.

Ryou looked interested.

"Tell me about this so called Marth angel."

Kura looked as is he was about to start crying again.

"He was such a dreamboat! I thought I could get over him… but every once in a while... the thought haunts me!"

"What happened between him and you?" Ryou said.

"We had been enemies for hundreds of years, since he is THE most powerful angel in haven! But one day I just didn't fight him and he didn't fight me. We had enough of fighting… it had proved pointless. I guess I just saw another side of him… a kinder side. Sadly I didn't get very far with him and… we're fighting again. My dad never approved of him." Kura explained.

"I don't want to go back to prison." Ryou interrupted suddenly.

"No problem. I think hell is powerful enough to destroy Earth! Was Kura's quick reply.

Ryou then stared in awe.

"…Kura, are you dead!?"

Kura looked indifferent.

"Why yes, I am dead. I have been dead for a very long time. All demons are dead.

"Does this mean I have necrophilia!?" Ryou said shocked.

Kura smiled.

"Perhaps a little. I mean I'm not totally motionless… I do move… but I don't breathe. I'm dead but functional."

Author's note : I've got the flu… so I was finding it hard to update but I just sat down and did it. So strange ideas arise from a tired mind… NECROPHILLA!? Well… uhm yeah XD


	3. Master Of Problems

Universal Funeral Chapter 3

**Master Of Problems**

Kura had a confused look on his face and he suddenly blurted out what he was thinking by mistake.

"Ryou, tell me why you ALWAYS play as Fox in Super Smash Bros Melee?"

Ryou didn't twitch.

"I play as Fox because quite simply I like him."

Kura looked as though he was about to burst into laughter.

"So first I discover you have necrophilia and now I find out you like animals?"

Ryou froze.

"Of…of…of course, you're much much much better than any animal, master!"

Then Kura had a devious passing thought.

"Hey Ryou…are you by any chance…polygamous!?"

Ryou looked like he was about to vomit.

"…Angels aren't very polygamous. I'm 100 monogamous. I…I...I…guess you demons are very polygamous then. I suppose I can't change you! Oh let me guess… there's someone else!? I would accept the triangle, master. But I will only obey you."

Kura looked semi-serious.

"Well it was worth a try. Hey don't worry Ryou, I'll turn monogamous just for you! There is absolutely no way I'm cheating on you right now"

Ryou smiled before he hugged Kura.

"I knew I could rely on you, master."

Kura then had an evil plan. Oh it was second nature to him!

"Ryou, you stay here, if there's anything you need, Bowser has a castle as grand as mine, just across the river Styx outside. There's like this really neat bridge made of guts and bone. I'm going to do something important…I'll be back later!"

Ryou appeared a bit sad but kept his calm.

"No problem, master, just leave me playing Super Smash Bros Melee. I won't complain!"

And with that, Kura left. He did have something important to do. But perhaps it was only important to himself. He hated having to lie to Ryou…but it was his (Kura's) nature.

Kura knew what he was doing could cause a lot of problems and possibly ruin everything between him and Ryou.

He flew out of hell and across space all the way to heaven. He picked the locks on the pearly gate and broke in. He knew what to expect next. Still Kura appeared surprised.

"MARTH!"

Marth had sensed Kura invading heaven. Marth was heaven's main protector…in fact without him, everyone could get into heaven! He descended down from the sky and drew his trusted falchion sword. This was the sword of swords. And with a disjointed hitbox, fast wavedash, great range and incredible edguarding…Kura was as good as afterdead. His eyes were cold and emotionless…he was a vigilante angel!

"FALCHION PUNCH!" Marth said as he did his infamous forward smash attack.

Kura dodged it….by a milometer. Kura looked a bit scared.

"I must say that's a VERY original name!"

Marth looked furious now.

"You dare use sarcasm in my presence, you worthless demon!?"

Kura jerked uneasily.

"I didn't come here to fight! I don't want to fight you! I hate the fact we're enemies! You have an awesome hairstyle!"

Marth partially lost his anger.

"Why thanks, for that I'll make your afterdeath painless…"

Kura began to glow with his demonic powers. He was NOT going to be afterkilled!

"I still loathe…I mean love you!"

Marth regained all his anger.

"I told you, I'm straight! Now get out of here before I smash you to afterdeath!"

Now all that did was give Kura more fear.

"I have many relatives and friends that could beat you tiara-wearing weakling!"

This amused Marth.

"How many times must I tell you I am GOD TIER! Fox McLeod… I can chainthrow him…same for Falco Lombardi…I can out-range Bowser and he's very easy to edgeguard…oh and don't think your sons can stop me either!"

Kura looked freaked out.

"SHUT UP! I didn't want the reader to know about my sons! DAMN YOU, MARF!

Again, furious Marth time.

"PRONOUNCE MY NAME CORRECTLY, you filthy hell-spawn! I didn't know about your sons before out relation either!"

Back at Kura's castle in hell

Ryou was bored waiting for Kura to return… so he decided to wander about his master's castle.

It was an extremely grand building.

As he was exploring, he heard noises that sounded like shouting behind a door. Being the (bi!) curious type he was, he opened the door and what he saw was something you wouldn't expect once in a blue moon with white stripes and yellow stars and green squares…you get the point.

"I AM THE ULTIMATE POKEMON! I AM CLEARLY SUPERIOR TO YOU!" Boomed a 06"07' tall creature know as…Mewtwo.

"I AM THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORM! I AM BETTER THAN A POKEMON!" Screeched a bipedal hedgehog creature…known as Shadow the hedgehog.

Mewtwo was impatient, clearly a trait inherited from his father… uhm even although both of these creatures were created artificially. Oh yes, Kura possessed the people you think made Mewtwo and Shadow.

Mewtwo was the older of the two and his patience had run thin.

"I will capture you with my infinite supply of (poke) balls!"

Shadow had a good response…

"I will defeat you! I have a promise…and I intend to keep it!"

Mewtwo's eyes glowed blue with psychic power.

"Nothing will stop me from getting my experience points!"

Shadow didn't blink.

"I'm faster, greater and straighter! You cannot beat my chaos magic(k)!"

Ryou took a few brave steps forward.

"…Hi…"

Suddenly both Mewtwo and Shadow calmed down.

Shadow spoke first.

"Why it's a stinking angel! What is an angel doing here!?"

Mewtwo looked confused.

"Now I may be genderless, but I cannot determine this angel's gender."

Then Ryou had a brain wave.

"Kura took me here. He left a little while ago to do something important. I know Bowser Lucifer…if you need me to prove everything."

Shadow looked impressed.

"Well you wouldn't dare in a situation like this. Well hello, we're Kura's 'sons'. He did tell you about us, right?"

Ryou looked surprised.

"I thought he was care-free! He never told me!?"

Mewtwo was still indifferent.

"Well I reckon he did tell you and you forgot. Or he lied. Well are you a boy or are you a girl?"

This happened so many times, Ryou no longer got offended.

"I'm a boy. The name is Ryou. So do you guys play Super Smash Bros Melee, considering Kura has a game cube here and a copy of the game…and he's annoyed that Brawl is delayed."

Mewtwo answered first.

"Oh yes, I play as myself for some strange reason. I have the most magnificent of mindgames!"

Shadow answered second.

"Sure, I main Captain Falcon, speed is everything! I have the fastest reflexes ever!"

Ryou looked interested.

"Great, I play as Fox, how about I take you both on at once!? 4 stock match, 8 minutes time limit, final destination, no handicaps either way!?"

Both Mewtwo and Shadow laughed.

"You think you can even defeat one of us!?" Mewtwo boasted.

Two minutes later, the game was all set up. Mewtwo and Shadow as the red team Mewtwo/Captain Falcon vs Ryou as the blue team, playing just Fox.

Within two minutes he had defeated them both. Ryou shined them, Edgeguarded them, spammed SHL, wavedashed fast and did like every 'advanced' technique possible.

Both were too speechless to answer.

"Hey what is this green emerald doing here?" Ryou said as he picked up the master emerald.

"NO! NO! NO! Don't touch it!" Shadow shouted but it was too late.

Mewtwo and Shadow were sucked into the gamecube…and straight into the game.

Mewtwo replaced Mewtwo (sorry) and Shadow replaced Captain Falcon.

This caused some sort of unexplainable time and space paradox and caused Captain Falcon to appear out of the gamecube.

"What am I doing here?! I was in the middle of a race in mute city!" He yelled.

"This is not a good situation!" Ryou replied.

Back at the gate of heaven

Marth was really ticked off.

"For the last time, get out of here before I afterkill you! My attacks are super effective against you! What would you do if I landed a critical hit!?"

Kura had to leave now, or it was certain afterdeath.

He flew back to Hell in mere seconds and headed straight to his grand castle.

As soon as he opened the door, Ryou was there and he looked mortified.

"KURA! Mewtwo and Shadow, your sons are trapped in Super Smash Bros Melee and Captain Falcon is wandering around your castle!"

It took more than a second for the shock to absorb in Kura's twisted mind.

"I would call the hell pest control but sadly that man is too fast to capture!"

Ryou collected his calm and then suddenly lost it again.

"He's not the main problem right now. LOOK!" Ryou said pointing outside the castle's door.

The sound of blaster fire could be heard repeatedly. It sounded as if someone was jumping a lot too.

The door burst open and it was… FALCO LOMBARDI! He had been using SHL to move around. He was drunk of course.

"What do you want?" Kura asked semi-kindly.

"I heard there was a party here! I need beer, beer and more beer and then I want to fly my arwing…which I landed perfectly near your castle.

Kura looked outside and saw an arwing lying upside down.

"Why yes, a perfect landing, 10/10 my good friend! Do you want a medal or something!?"

Falco then used his brain.

"Oh no, I need to kill another 50 enemies to get a medal for this level. It's proving harder than trying to complete the Aquas level with one wing…I mean hand!"

Kura wasn't impressed.

"So who told you there was a party here!?"

Falco spoke.

"Some big demon dude called Diablos. He said there was a lot of beings coming to it. But he isn't going… I don't know why."

Kura was beyond mad.

"He's STILL afteralive!? Why did I agree to take part in this story!?"

Well, Falco was still indifferent and he didn't know that Kura hated Diablos. Heck he didn't even know that Kura knew Diablos. Oh and he was drunk so logic is out the window.

Suddenly, all of their attention was drawn to the sound of signing from across the river Styx.

Kura rushed across the gut and bone bridge and found his half brother Bowser…wearing a white mask. Clearly a psychotic episode.

"What is wrong, Bowser?" Kura asked.

Bowser didn't answer. Instead he sung…

"THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Kura jumped back in shock.

"BOWSER! What the hell are you doing!? This makes no sense in the context of this story! Seriously WTF, half bro!?"

Bowser stopped singing and began to speak.

"I'm looking for Ryou!" Bowser shouted and he barged past Kura before he(Kura) could react.

Kura shook his head.

"Bowser is confused and deluded. I have a 36 year old man running about in my castle, my arch nemesis is still alive, both of my 'sons' have been sucked into a video game, I'm on death row back on Earth, Bowser can't read, Falco's drunk again and I still haven't raped Ryou! What will I do!?"

Auther's Note : YAY! Notice if you take the initials of the title Master Of Problems… you get MOP! Kura could do with one now to clean up this horrendous mess! Yes the title is a spoof of something…humor rules. I blame my flu for the horrible overuse of the word 'looked'.


	4. Paradise Of Insanity

Universal Funeral Chapter 4

**Paradise Of Insanity**

Soon, a diverse number of beings had arrived at the so called 'party' at the castle.

"This has to be sorted out…or I could just play along with it!" Kura thought to himself before he ran back to his castle. He saw the latest visitor at the door.

"My name is Metaknight!" Yelled a small blue ball like creature wielding a golden sword.

"Well hello Metaknight…" Kura began to speak.

"ONLY METAKNIGHT CAN USE METAKNIGHT'S NAME!" Metaknight roared before we was stood on by the next visitor…Fox McLeod.

"Metaknight will have revenge under Metaknight's mighty name!" The ball creature screeched, slowly recovering before running into Kura's castle.

"Hi, I'm Fox! Leader of StarFox!" The bipedal fox proudly boasted.

"Most imaginative name ever. Now I'm going inside to see how this 'party' has progressed.

Kura went inside his castle and saw… literally a mountain of beer bottles. Falco Lombardi was lying on top of them.

"Hey Kura, I found where you kept your beer. In the fridge! I'm such a genius! You really have planned a massive party! So are we celebrating anyway!?" Falco asked in a drunken haze.

Kura thought fast. "We're celebrating nothing! That's right, nothing!"

Falco just glared before he yelled.

"PRAISE THIS NOTHING! LET'S ALL CELEBRATE THE NOTHING! WE LOVE THE NOTHING!"

Kura walked back in shock.

"Uh yeah, that's the spirit Falco; I think you may have drunk way too much!"

Falco shock his head.

"No way baby. Can I get your cell phone number darling?"

Kura stared for a second before backing off.

"I'll just wait here for you baby!" Falco shouted after Kura.

Kura walked straight into Captain Falcon.

"FALCON HELLO! I have the irresistible urge to attack everyone in this room!" Captain Falcon said in a crazy voice.

"My castle has become a mental hospital!" Kura screeched.

"I'm not mental! Now I must attack everyone! Take that, Captain Falcon!" Captain Falcon shouted as he punched himself repeatedly.

Again Kura simply walked away in shock.

"FALCON GOODBYE!" Captain Falcon yelled after Kura.

"What the hell are you!?" Kura boomed as he prodded another visitor with his claws.

"AHHHHHHHHH! SHARP! My name is Paperon, I'm made out of paper, I'm also gay, I'm at war with shredders and scissors, I'm also responsible for the death of the mighty dragon, Contrast Draco Reverse's parents. Even although I didn't actually kill them and they were just acting and now they chase their son telling him they're still alive but he doesn't believe them because he's a schizophrenic! All hail the mighty tissue! May it come out of its holy tissue box and save us soon, for we are unclean! Come forth and save us mighty tissue!" The paper creature roared.

"What the hell was that all about?" Kura inquired.

"You didn't listen, you homophobe!" Paperon screeched angrily.

"Whoa buddy! I have nothing against gays, I'm half gay myself. I just think you need to give your mind a rest, my friend!" Kura answered.

After that, Kura decided it was best to stop talking to all these bizarre visitors. Then he saw what he…least wanted to see… EVER!

Wolf O' Donnell had forced Ryou onto the ground. It didn't look good.

"THAT ANGEL IS MY PROPERTY!" Kura exclaimed loudly.

Wolf froze in fear. "Is that you, Kura?"

"Why yes it is." Kura said angrily as he grabbed Ryou back from Wolf.

"Why are you angry at me?" Wolf roared.

"You were about to rape MY angel! That's MY job!" Kura screeched in reply.

"I remember your swinging days, Kura. You were the best. I just haven't heard from you recently, what happened?" Wolf asked a furious Kura.

Kura's reply was fast. "I turned monogamous for this angel!"

Kura simply ran upstairs with Ryou and then he threw Ryou unto his bed and pounced on top of him.

"Hey Kura, you might want to rape that chick against a wall, remember the fire stuff you told me about dude." Falco shouted from a corner.

"Falco! What are you doing up here, in my room!?" Kura enquired, very surprised to see Falco had somehow managed to get upstairs.

"Hey I get everywhere you know…" Falco managed to say before he fell down unconscious due to being under the influence of beer.

Ryou looked very scared. "What did he say about fire?"

"Oh it's nothing really. He's was just reminding me I can't rape you on my bed because I'll set fire to it. I ejaculate fire! That's because I'm a demon!" Kura said almost looking proud.

"FIRE!?" Ryou shouted in protest as Kura pushed him against a wall.

"It's damn obvious to everyone in this story that you're an angel, right? And as such, angels are immune to fire for unexplainable reasons! Now shut up and let me rape you" Kura answered, with a crazed look on his face.

"It might help if you remove her clothes first Kura!" Falco shouted over in a haze.

"Falco! You're awake again!? By the way, this 'chick' is a dude!" Kura roared over angrily to Falco.

"Whatever baby." Falco mumbled as he staggered downstairs, amazingly without falling over… until he was back on the flat surface of the first floor, then he fell over, drunk again.

"Hey master, shouldn't you be saving your children from a video game right now!?" Ryou screeched, clearly under pressure.

"DAMN! I forgot; remind me to rape you later!" Kura ordered his angel.

"I will, master, now how do we save you children?" Ryou asked, relieved.

Kura appeared very puzzled. "I guess we should turn the game on first!" Kura said aloud as he set up Super Smash Bros Melee.

As soon as the game was loaded, Kura saw there was a fight already happening.

Shadow and Mewtwo were already fighting!

"Hey kids, stop fighting, I'm going to try and get you out of there!" Kura shouted at the screen.

"Well how do we get out of here then?" Shadow shouted at his concerned 'father'.

"YOU MUST DEFEAT GIGA BOWSER!" Kura shouted, perhaps too loudly.

"Gee, we can hear you, dad! We're on it!" Shadow answered as him and Mewtwo began adventure mode.

It was a walk in the park for them because they had played the game many times and thus knew it well. Also the fact they were invincible and could float helped a little bit too.

It wasn't long before they stood in front of the mighty Giga Bowser.

"Now someone tell me why we picked very hard mode." Mewtwo complained as Giga Bowser walked…very slowly towards them.

"He's slow! Let's make an endless advantage over this… oh and it's two of us against one of him!" Shadow replied grinning evilly.

Soon enough they had defeated Giga Bowser and both of them were thrown back out of the game into reality once more.

"Well what was I going to do again, Ryou?" Kura asked the small boy.

"You were going to play a game of Super Smash Bros Melee against me!" Ryou responded quickly.

"AH! You can't fool me, silly angel! I have a fantastic memory! We were about to go downstairs and party hard!" Kura replied, somewhat mad.

"Uhm yeah, that's right, master!" Ryou answered, a little relieved at his master's bad memory.

"Now what's your name again, kid?" Kura asked Ryou.

"I see we're going to be here for a while, master." Ryou replied, looking confused.

Downstairs the party was frantic. Bowser had started singing again and he wouldn't get rid of his mask for some strange reason that nobody understood.

"Wow, Bowser sure has one hell of a voice, doesn't he, baby?" Falco said in awe as he stared at Blood Falcon!

"Yeah, I'll just pretend you didn't say that. Now let us celebrate nothing!" Blood Falcon replied unaffected.

Blood Falcon stood in front of everyone.

"Fellow demons…and friends, Hell has hereby declared war on Earth! Let us crush the pathetic mortals, once and for all!" He roared, working himself up into a craze.

"YEAH! Let's show them what we're made of!" Falco replied, still under the influence.

"Metaknight will beat mortals because they are not Metaknight!" Metaknight boasted loudly.

"You call yourself a knight?" Nightmare of Soul Caliber questioned the small creature, trying hard not to laugh.

"You two are not knights! I am a true knight, a dark knight, by the name of Golbez!" Another knight, apparently from Final Fantasy 4 boasted.

"What a stupid name. Hey I've never heard of you, therefore you can't be much of a threat!" Nightmare interrupted.

Then Marth burst into the party.

"I'm the only true knight; you three are an embarrassment to the title itself!" He loudly proclaimed in front of all the visitors.

"So are you going to fight us all, Tiara-man?" Blood Falcon laughed.

"How dare you insult my dead sister!" Marth screamed as he lunged at Blood Falcon.

Blood Falcon was fast, he dodged Marth's blind attack and Marth crashed into the wall.

"Agh! Damn you, purveyor of darkness!" He screeched at Blood Falcon.

"Hey just call me Lucifer, buddy." Blood Falcon answered.

All the demons in the room stared at Marth angrily.

"Marth is an angel! Crush him!" They all yelled as they charged madly at Marth.

"Let's dance!" Marth yelled and then he used Counter. Oh those poor demons, their attacks were rendered useless and they were thrown backwards.

"Well I dare not stay where the devil is, but I swear I will destroy you all one day! Apart from you, Falco!" He yelled before he flew away fast.

"Hey Kura, you never told me you were hosting an absolutely massive party. I was wondering what all the noise was about!" Blood Falcon asked his younger son.

"It's a party celebrating nothing but now I guess we must prepare to attack Earth!" Kura answered his father.

Blood Falcon paused for a second. "So how are we going to get all these guys to help us?"

"Alright, everyone, you're all going to attack Earth will me, or I kill you!" Kura shouted all of a sudden.

Nobody argued.

Soon all of them were on Earth, ready to attack and destroy every human being.

Then a newspaper hit Kura in the face.

"AGH! Those cursed mortals are fighting back already!" He screamed in surprise before removing the newspaper and proceeding to read it.

Newspaper title - MASS-MURDER SUSPECT DISAPPEARED!

"That must be about me." Kura said before reading the entire story.

"So is it good or bad?" Bowser asked Kura.

"Well it means they don't suspect hell in the least so it's pointless destroying this planet right now. Let's head back to hell now before anyone sees us!" Kura responded.

-Hell-

"Well I wonder if anything strange is about to happen." Kura casually said almost jokingly.

He waited a few seconds. No answer. Had everyone left him suddenly?

He looked around and he saw that for some unexplainable reason he had been teleported into a completely different universe. Perhaps he had flown into a black hole with realizing it.

All around him were metal walls and it was quite dark but he could just see. There was only one path, so he walked it.

Soon he encountered Sonic The Hedgehog.

"Hey, you got to run now buddy!" Sonic uttered in fear.

Sonic was standing in front of a ledge.

"How about you jump over that ledge and run too?" Kura asked with a perplexed look on his face.

"What's a jump?" Sonic asked.

Then suddenly a mighty roar was heard and a loud stamping noise grew louder and loader.

"RUN!" Sonic urged Kura.

A giant predator queen alien at least 100 foot tall was then visible and it charged in the direction of Sonic and Kura, shooting laser eye beams.

"It's a super predator queen alien! Run or you're dead! Forget about me!" Sonic screamed as loud as he could.

Kura began to run but he couldn't resist looking back to see how Sonic met his end.

The super pred queen stood on him and continued to run at Kura.

"This is not my day!" Kura yelled as he ran faster than the pred queen could.

He eventually reached a portal and without thinking he jumped through it.

He found himself in KANTO (Pokemon Red/blue/green anyone?)

Outside the portal he saw Mewtwo and all the other legendary pokemon.

"Dad! We have to fight that Queen Alien! I have gathered all the other rlegndary pokemon but you know, I think you could have finished it off yourself!" Mewtwo shouted at his 'father'.

"I'll go kill it now then." Kura said as he flew back towards the portal in the sky and soon enough he was facing what he had previously run from.

Kura's claws were super effective and the predator queen was destroyed.

Kura went back and closed the portal from the alien world to the pokemon world and then he went to rejoin Mewtwo.

"Why has everything gone so bizarre recently!?" Kura shouted at Mewtwo.

"What are you talking about dad, everything is perfectly normal!" Mewtwo replied fast, not worried in the least.

"I see you're enjoying this little adventure I have put you through!" Yelled a voice in the sky.

"GOD! Are you doing this? Kura responded to the voice.

"Haha! No, I am far from god. I am Diablos Diabolical! Your father didn't find me before I escaped hell! Being the psychic demon I am, I can fight you in your mind! You're forcer caught in a dream!" Diablos boomed madly.

"DAMN YOU!" Kura screeched but Diablos did not reply again.

"Stop talking to yourself dad." Mewtwo urged his 'father'.

"Didn't you hear the voice in the sky?" Kura screamed back.

"What's that, you hearing voices again, dad?" Mewtwo answered, confused.

"NO! We were at a party and then we went to attack Earth but we stopped!" Kura yelled.

"I don't remember ever doing those things, dad. Give your mind a rest, why don't you?" Mewtwo replied, perplexed at his father's erratic behavior.

-Back to reality-

Ryou stared at his master, full of concern.

"Kura hasn't woken up for ages!" He shouted.

"He's fighting a war all by himself in his mind. I can tell that damned Diablos has invaded his mind!" Blood Falcon screeched, full of fury.

"Oh please wake up soon master. I'm sorry you never got to rape me!" Ryou cried as he embraced his master in a hug.

"I can take care of you until Kura wakes up!" Bowser answered the angel.

"No thanks." Ryou responded to Bowser, rather confused.

"Aw damn it!" Bowser mumbled as he walked back to his own castle.


	5. Mind Split Asunder

Universal Funeral Chapter 5

**Mind Split Asunder**

-Hell-

Ryou refused to leave his master. It appeared that Diablos had induced Kura into a coma. The only way out was to fight against his own twisted mind. And Kura's mind was twisted beyond belief. It was going to be an extremely brutal fight then. It would be worse than hell to say the least.

Bowser however, did not appear to care that his half brother was in a coma. You see, Bowser was in a huff, he didn't have his way with Ryou. Maybe he could transform into Giga Bowser and force Ryou to love him… but the problem was, in that form, Bowser had no control over himself, he'd probably end up killing Ryou. Anyway, Bowser wasn't quite too sure what he really wanted… he was just very confused.

Falco was still drunk and he was staggering around in hell. Not a good place to be if you're under the influence, but Falco didn't seem to care. His mind was elsewhere. Where no one could find it!

Blood Falcon was nearby. He saw Falco and wondered what he was doing. People don't usually just hang about in hell, so perhaps Falco was up to something. Blood Falcon approached Falco, to ask him what he was doing in hell at this time.

"I'm lost!" Falco uttered, in his drunken haze, almost falling over.

"Everyone here is lost!" Blood Falcon replied promptly. "Are you looking for someone?"

"I'm looking for Kura. I found him but was still and he didn't reply to me. So I don't know what I'm doing now." Falco answered, smiling.

"He's in a coma! I guess that means Bowser will inherit hell instead…if I ever afterdie!" Blood Falcon laughed manically.

Falco just stared in disbelief.

"Wait. Isn't Bowser older than Kura, don't that mean he should inherit hell first anyway?"

Blood Falcon was quick to reply.

"No, in hell, the most powerful son inherits hell! They have fought each other enough times for me to decide! Kura always beat Bowser!"

Falco thought and then spoke.

"That explains why Kura's 'sons' are always fighting against each other. They're practicing for the day one of them succeeds Kura! They seem pretty equal in power to me!"

Blood Falcon was amazed.

"That's a pretty intellectual discussion for someone completely drunk! I heard you also fly Arwings perfectly when drunk too! Such talent!"

Falco just froze.

"What you talking about, buddy?"

Blood Falcon walked away, shaking his head. He could never understand this Falco.

"At least give me your number!" Falco shouted after him.

Captain Falcon was still running around Kura's castle. In fact he liked to run all the time. He had the infinite stamina cheat enabled. He stopped when he saw Ryou.

"What's wrong with THAT guy?" He said pointing at Kura.

"He's in a coma! He hasn't woken up for hours!" Ryou sobbed.

"Don't worry, I have the perfect solution! FALCON PUNCH!" Captain Faclon shouted in reply.

"NO! What did you do that for? You're hurting him!" Ryou screeched before his eyes glowed green with power.

Captain Falcon began to slowly back off.

"Woah! No need to get angry, I tried my best!"

Ryou stared at Captain Falcon in anger, and then Ryou began to surge with power.

"YOU injured MY master! Now you DIE!" Ryou yelled as he charged at Captain Falcon.

Captain Falcon ran out of the room and closed the door; Ryou charged straight into the door and knocked himself unconscious.

-Far Away-

Diablos's white eyes gleamed brightly as his devious mind was once again set to work. Things could not have happened more perfect, he thought. That idiot slave of Kura, had become unconscious as well! Now Diablos could invade this angel's mind and induce him into a coma too!

Before he could get anything underway, a white 7-foot tall bipedal dragon appeared before him. He looked very angry. He was also standing on the roof, with a waste bucket on his head.

It was Contrast Draco Reverse, the leader of the Flying Killerz, the army of the Dragon Realm. He was a paranoid schizophrenic but also a brilliant leader and a powerful fighter.

"DIABLOS! Now I'm going to eliminate you for great justice! The universe hates you!" The dragon screeched in a very high pitched voice.

Diablos laughed. He seemed unaffected by this imminent threat.

"We meet again, Contrast Draco Reverse of the Dragon Realm. You stupid schizophrenic! You cannot beat me, for I am a super demon!"

Contrast was not affected either. A crazed smile appeared across his face. But you could see it because of the waste bucket. However Diablos could see it because he was psychic, so there.

"EXTREME OMEGA RAY!" Contrast shouted loudly.

A white beam of light then tore straight through Diablos, ripping him to shreds.

Contrast stood over the remains and looked semi-serious.

"I doubt it's the last time I'll see you. I know what you're like, you super demon scum! You return from the blink of oblivion again and again! But for now victory is mine!" Contrast yelled before returning to his home in the Dragon Realm.

-Dragon Realm-

Contrast lived in a stone. He could compact everything, including him and his family inside a stone. So he was very hard to find.

"Daddy you're home! What did you take home from work this time?" A small blue female dragon with white stripes asked.

"Hi Delta! I took home some machine guns from work! Maybe you and your brother want to play with them now?" Contrast said as he took machine guns out of a pocket.

Another small dragon ran forward, this one was orange. His name was Gamma.

"Dad, dad, dad! You shouldn't have! Gimmie!" Gamma shouted as he grabbed a machine gun and examined it with great interest.

"Well I find it boring. I'm going upstairs." Delta said and she flew upstairs to her room.

Then she put on a Nazi uniform and jumped up and down on her bed, singing "GERMAN BOYS! GERMAN BOYS! GERMAN BOYS!"

No I don't understand this family either, dear reader.

Gamma meanwhile went outside and held the machine gun up to the sky and fired. The bullets came straight back down a few minutes later, missing him by inches. "COOL!" He screamed in delight.

Contrast then tried to sneak up the stairs. However a giant tidal wave rushed down the stairs, carrying Delta on a door.

"Watch out daddy!" She yelled hysterically.

Contrast then simply teleported upstairs.

A grey female dragon of almost his height stood before him.

"HA! Caught you! Time for a bath, Contrast!" She shouted.

"Oh no, Alpha, I hate baths!" Contrast screeched back.

"I'm your wife, you should listen to me!" She shouted as a giant bathtub appeared above her head, destroying the entire house. This house gets destroyed so many times.

"Go my bathtub of doom! Capture Contrast!" Alpha roared and the bathtub began to chase Contrast.

-Kura's mind-

Suddenly the entire environment changed around Kura. He found himself in pokemon crystal. Yes Goldenrod city to be exact. No he didn't know what the hell was happening either.

That Falcon Punch had only shook his twisted mind up even more.

Suicune appeared before him.

"You're now on a pokemon quest. You must catch them all to escape back to reality. I am a hologram." He said before disappearing.

Oh great. Now Kura had to catch the ever increasing number of pokemon. Well he had to do it… but he did it his way.

For some unexplainable reason he now had a pokedex.

"Hello pokedex" Kura asked the small machine.

"My name is Dextor, please kill me and put me out my misery." It replied in a depressed voice.

"Great an emo pokedex." Kura muttered.

He knew this game inside and out thanks to his 'son' Mewtwo.

Kura went to Kanto and entered Mewtwo's cave. He went right to the end of it, avoiding all fights. The pokemon were scared of him.

Right at the end where Mewtwo used to stand was a secret bit in the wall where you could get 'Giga Balls'. (FAKE) These could capture even another trainer's pokemon. He stole all the balls and headed back to Jhoto where he began stealing other trainer's pokemon.

The trainers who had their pokemon stolen began to chase him.

Luckily Kura could use his newly stolen pokemon to surf and fly etc.

But unfortunately some of the trainers still had pokemon that could surf and fly etc so they began to chase him over sea and air.

As Kura was out surfing on Lapras, the screen was becoming full of trainers. It looked hopeless.

Only one thing to do.

"Dexter, help me! What do I do!" Kura said as he paused the game with doom imminent.

"I'll help you out of this, only if you promise to kill me." The 'dex' answered.

"Of course I'll end your pathetic life! Now tell me!" Kura screeched impatiently.

"DIVE!" Dextor exclaimed and then Kura tore the batteries out. "Wish granted" He shouted as Lapras dived.

All the other trainers dived. Kura was once again completely surrounded.

The trainers went right up to him and then everything went black.

Kura woke up in Goldenrod city, surrounded by everyone and right in front of him… his mom.

"I can't believe you stole all those pokmeon! You're not my son anymore! I hereby disown you!" She shouted angrily.

"Mom!?" Kura said surprised as he was dragged away to Goldenrod prison.

Before he knew it, he was once again in a cell. For a robbery of over 9000 pokemon, Kura was given the death sentence. It was a real shame Bowser was not here, he thought. However everyone speaks in text in pokemon and thus Bowser wouldn't be much help… he doesn't know how to read…remember?

"You can't kill me! This game is rated suitable for children! Think what it would do for your sales!" Kura screeched at the guard.

"Oh you're right. Well we'll just make you stay there for 9000 game hours then." The guard answered.

"Not if I can help it!" Kura said as he reached for his pocket and held up a card.

"What's that?" The guard said.

"It's a spell card. It's called "Get out of jail for free". I cast it!" Kura shouted in triumph.

"What is its effect?" The guard said perplexed.

"FOOL! When cast, this card removes the jail trap card's effect and gives me 500 life points!" Kura yelled as he broke out of jail…legally.

"You may escape, but forever the curse of 13 shall be upon thee!" The guard shouted after Kura.

"Oh the curse of 13, like I'm so very scared!" Kura laughed sarcastically.

Kura then tried to find his way out, back into reality but he epically failed and he heard a stamping sound in the distance.

"Is that predator queen back for more?" He laughed.

It was not the predator queen.

In the distance, Kura saw a black creature with red eyes on fire walking very slowly towards him.

"Oh that must be 13 then." Kura uttered in disbelief, before he started running for it.

"Don't let that creature catch you, for he shall delete all your game data.. and YOU!" A blue dragon that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere before Kura said.

"Who are you?" Kura inquired.

"My name is Hydrogenetic, I am the mad scientist of the Dragon Realm and third in command of the Flying Killerz army.

Kura stared at the eight foot tall deformed blue dragon. This dragon…he was mad! Not as much as Contrast though.

"What are you doing here?" Kura asked.

"I'm just visiting all my alternative universes!" Hydrogenetic replied before he disappeared.

The 13 creature was very close now.

Kura then had an ingenious idea. The creature chasing him did not have wings. So perhaps it could not fly! There was hope for him after all!

Kura flew to Kanto, Celadon City. 13 flew straight after him using psychic powers.

"Aw damn it!" Kura shouted angrily.

Kura ran into the super store and went up all the stairs. He rushed past everyone in the store but they all seemed completely unaffected by the whole event.

"I'm safe here." Kura boasted, just before a giant clawed hand broke through the window. Kura jumped over it.

"Why do I have to go through this!?" Kura yelled but no one answered.

Giant red eyes gleamed with malicious intent through the broken glass window.


	6. Masters Of Chaos

Universal Funeral Chapter 6

**Masters Of Chaos**

-Dragon Realm-

Once again Contrast was going to be an unknown hero to a complete stranger. Already he had defeated Diablos's which in turn prevented Diablos from filling Ryou's head with impossible mental challenges. However Contrast knew Diablos would be back. Diablos seemed to be immune to oblivion and all he feared was Marth but no one knew that…yet.

Contrast grabbed his trusty light halberd, sort of like a light saber but it doubles as everything, including a built in tooth brush and television schedule. It was the pride of the dragon realm and Contrast himself has invented it. Everyone in the Flying Killerz had their own personalized light halberd. Also they could not be used by the wrong dragon because they can recognize paw prints and thus explode if you're not the rightful owner. So the light halberd was totally foolproof and uber. Nobody messed with the Flying Killerz, even their old enemy, Paperon and his army was forced to sign a peace treaty recently.

Contrast was in the Flying Killerz base. He walked though the halls and he saw some caterpie biting the walls. He stared for few seconds in disbelief.

"CATERPIE ALERT!" Contrast shouted at the top of his lungs and within seconds the entire base was on red alert. All the dragons ran outside and awaited further instruction.

"I have the perfect solution!" Hydrogentic started speaking. "I have this anti-caterpie repellant from the just in case you need it company! Man, I love those guys!"

Hydrogenetic sprayed the repel in the general direction of the Flying Killerz base and within seconds a massive herd of caterpie was seen crawling outside the base, far into the distance.

"VICTORY!" Shouted all the dragons at once.

Suddenly Contrast's light halberd began to ring.

He held it up to his ear. "Hello?" He uttered.

"Flying Killerz! This is the local primary school! It's terrible, oh it's so horrific! We're all traumatized! We need your help now!" A teacher dragon mumbled in fear.

"We're on it!" Contrast replied. "Alright listen everyone, we have an extremely dangerous mission up ahead but I said we could do it. We need to be brave!"

Contrast then briefed the mission to all his soldiers.

Afterwards they all had a look of intense fear in their faces.

"You can't be serious sir!" One of them shouted in protest.

Anyways Contrast had the last word and soon the entire Flying Killerz army was outside the dragon primary school.

"Sir, why aren't your children at school?" One solider uttered.

Contrast ignored him as he bashed open the door to the primary school and the whole Flying Killerz army helped the terrified children and teachers outside the building. The look on all their faces was pure fear!

"Alright now we head in!" Contrast yelled as the entire army sneaked inside the newly abandoned school building.

"They said it was here, room 72D!" Contrast shouted as he knocked the door down with unnecessary force.

Half of the soldiers fainted in fear at what they then saw. Contrast himself was frozen in fear for a few seconds before be bravely proceeded forwards.

-Corneria -

"So I heard you broke up with Kat Monroe because you accidentally bit her head doff with your beak?" A Female avian bipedal bird said to Falco.

"Yeah! She didn't like my 'drinking problem' either. Huh! It's a blessing, not a problem! Hey what's your name, baby?" Falco replied, still completely drunk.

"My name is Falca. Isn't it ironic that it's so similar to your name?" She answered in awe.

"Oh we have a lot in common baby. Hey, would you like to get married to me, on an Arwing?" Falco responded.

"Uh sure, why not?" Falca replied, somewhat amazed at this sudden offer.

-Kura's mind-

Kura had escaped the celadon store but the 13 monster was still chasing him at the same speed he could walk at.

"I have a fantastic idea." Kura suddenly said aloud as he dived under some water. 13 dived after him.

"AW DAMN! Not second time lucky!" Kura complained bitterly.

-Hell-

Ryou had managed to wake up now. He forgot all about Captain Falcon.

"I must have fallen asleep." He muttered.

He stared at Kura sadly.

"There's nothing I can do." He said miserably.

Then Bowser burst into the room suddenly.

"Hey Ryou, you are under my power!" He yelled loudly.

Ryou just stared.

'What are you saying, Bowser?"

Bowser looked very disappointed.

"Again, I have failed!" He roared before running away back to his own castle to have another huff.

-Dragon Realm-

Contrast bravely walked into the classroom and fixed his eyes on a pencil on the floor.

"Don't look it in the eye, boss! You'll anger it and it might attack you!" A solider yelled after him.

Slowly Contrast approached the fallen pencil and picked it up. He then almost dropped it but caught it again as he bravely lifted it back up unto the table from which it had fallen.

"Mission accomplished!" Contrast roared happily before exiting the classroom and then the entire army helped the amazed children and teachers back into the school.

Suddenly Contrast's light halberd began to ring again. He put it to his ear and listened carefully.

"Contrast! It's Hydrogenetic here! I'm outside the base, it's been invaded by dragon girl scouts! They forced us out of the base! We couldn't beet their organized army!" A voice frantically muttered.

Contrast led the entire army back to the base to confront this new enemy.

They saw him at the front of the base and ran for their lives!

Contrast was well feared.

"Well done Contrast! Now I must go back to my laboratory." Hydrogenetic finished.

Hydrogenetic was hard at work in his laboratory. His current project was a 'kill me' dragon. It was horribly deformed and kept begging to be put out of it's misery but Hydrogenetic thought it was joking and loved living.

Hydrogenetic redefined the meaning of 'mad scientist'. Heck, he even had a collection of alternative universe that he kept in jars. He would visit them from time to time for fun, as he had visited Kura.

"That 13 creature was beautifully deformed! He would make a perfect specimen for me!" Hydrogenetic said cheerfully to himself before he teleported inside the same jar that led to Kura's mind!

-Kura's mind-

"We meet again!" Hydrogenetic said to Kura.

By now, 13 had chased Kura into the mystic 3D pokemon land of Ore.

"I'm a little too busy to talk right now!" Kura shouted as he was still running from 13 as fast as he could.

"That creature would make a fine specimen for me!" Hydrogenetic boasted.

"Just try and capture it!" Kura laughed sarcastically.

"Luckily my light halberd also doubles as storage for items. UBER BALL GO!" He roared.

13 disappeared into the Uber Ball and it shook three times and then music was played out of no where.

Hydrogenetic picked up the Uber Ball with 13 in it and smiled. "Mission accomplished!" He laughed manically.

"Can you get me out of here?" Kura suddenly asked to Kura.

"Click your heels three times and say 'all your base are belong to us!" Hydrogenetic answered before he teleported back to his laboratory.

Kura complained but did as he was told.

"All your base are belong to us! All your base are belong to us! All your base are belong to us!" Kura chanted.

-Hell-

It worked. Kura woke up in Ryou's arms.

Ryou was delighted.

"MASTER! You're awake! Now let's play a Super Smash Bros Melee match!"

"Do you have any idea of what I've been through!?" Kura muttered in reply as he broke free from Ryou's grip and staggered backwards.

"Your own twisted mind?" Ryou suggested confused.

"Now how about a HUG!?" Kura shouted as he lunged towards Ryou very fast.

"I'll never understand you, master." Ryou whispered.

-Oblivion-

Diablos was facing divine judgment from God…A.K.A. the narrator who still lived with his mother.

"DIABLOS DIABOLICAL! I never knew yee! Depart from me into the of fire, prepared for Satan and his angels…no wait! That won't destroy you. Er… I'll send for Marth to eliminate you from existence!" God uttered loudly.

"No, anyone but Marth Lowell!" Diablos roared in disagreement.

Suddenly Diablos saw Marth charging at him extremely fast. The speed of light in fact. Diablos spotted a door and went through it. The door back into the afterlife. He had cheated afterdeath once again.

-Hell-

Kura looked concerned.

"Now while I was in a coma, did Bowser do anything to you at all!?" He said a little too loudly.

"He said I was under his power." Ryou replied with a 'so not scared' look on his face.

"Yeah he's always trying strange things, that half brother of mine!" Kura responded before he left the room to check on his 'sons' Mewtwo and Shadow.

They were fighting again.

"This time, daddy shall see that I am truly superior to you!" Mewtwo yelled at Shadow.

"No way! My promise is more powerful!" Shadow snapped back.

"Hey kids, remember I'm immortal, I don't think either of you will take over hell any time soon and remember your granddad isn't dead either!" Kura interrupted.

"Well at least you'll see I am stronger than that hedgehog!" Mewtwo roared as he glowed with psychic power.

"Your balls are no match for my promise!" Shadow screeched back angrily.

"I guess I'll see what Bowser is doing then!" Kura uttered before heading across the bone bridge over the river Styx to Bowser's castle.

"BOWSER! What do you want from Ryou?" Kura screeched loudly.

"I want to kidnap him." Bowser said simply.

"You really enjoying kidnapping people, don't you Bowser?" Kura laughed.

"I know, I already kidnapped Princess Peach, Zelda and Marth's sister!" Bowser boasted proudly.

"WHAT!? MARTH'S SISTER! He's going to be so very angry!" Kura shouted in disbelief.

"Huh, did I do something wrong?" Bowser replied, with a confused look on his face.

"You have just endangered all of hell by kidnapping Marth's sister!" Kura yelled angrily.

"Oh come on, I'm sure you can defeat the tiara-man all by yourself!" Bowser laughed, unaware of the danger he'd put himself in.

"All the power stars in the universe won't help you now, you fool!" Kura shouted, still extremely mad.

"What are you going to tell me next, do I have to feed them or something?" Bowser mumbled confused.

"You haven't feed your hostages!?" Kura boomed furiously.

"Uh no, do I need to?" Bowser said, perplexed at everything Kura was saying.


	7. Burning Angel

Universal Funeral Chapter 7

**Burning Angel**

-Hell-

Kura refused to believe how stupid Bowser had been. Kura went back to his castle and tried to block out all the new found thoughts of fear. It was all Bowser's fault, so he should be the one to pay the price, Kura thought. Besides, surely something could go right, just for once? After all these disasters, there was no way anything else could possibly go wrong! Well too bad for you Kura!

Ryou approached Kura to ask him a question that was serious business.

"I'm tempted to ask, what's it like being a demon, master?"

Kura then looked surprised at this strange question. After all, why would an angel dare ask such a devious question? Wasn't Ryou happy the way he was? He seemed content enough…what was possibly wrong?

"It's fun and it suits me fine. Now why would such a pure creature as yourself ask such a weird question?"

As soon as he had said that, Kura suddenly felt as If he'd been too offensive. He couldn't help it. It was a demon trait. Perhaps Ryou was just curious. Well Kura was used to making mistakes by now…almost.

Ryou showed no sign of hurt though. In reality he was a little bit hurt but he just kept it to himself. He knew Kura cared about him but complaining might make Kura go over the edge…and demons get aggressive very easily. He knew it was best to just appear unaffected and soon enough he would forget about it.

"I want to be a demon now."

The words hit Kura like a tidal wave of holy water with floating stakes included. Did he hear Ryou correctly? He thought for a second. He didn't want to cause a painful silence! Yes he had heard Ryou correctly. Ryou had sounded serious. Well what could go wrong, Kura thought before he spoke.

"I know just the dragon!" Kura exclaimed loudly with a forced smile on his face. He couldn't believe this was happening…well whatever Ryou wanted…he wanted Ryou happy.

For some unexplainable reason, Kura now knew where the Dragon Realm was and how to get to it. Well he is a powerful demon after all…ok he used a map. He flew there and Ryou followed him. Yeah Ryou can fly too now.

-Dragon Realm-

Kura and Ryou went to the Flying Killerz base to meet Hydrogenetic.

"So what's your name?" Ryou said as pointed at Hydrogenetic.

"My full name is Hydrogenetic Deoxyribonucleic Methylenedioxymethamphetamine!" He proudly boasted, still with a crazed smile on his face.

"Will you turn me into a demon?" Ryou asked politely.

"Of course! I've never performed an angel to demon operation before! I would love to!" He replied, excited.

Kura waited outside Hydrogenetic's laboratory for half and hour. He heard some troubling cried during that time but Hydrogenetic had told him not to worry.

'You're hurting me!' 'No, not there!' 'Are you really qualified!?' 'Do you know what you're doing?' 'Can't you put me to sleep while you do this?'

Ryou walked out of the laboratory with Hydrogenetic.

Hydrogenetic was pleased with the result anyway.

"The experiment is a complete success!"

Ryou was almost the same height as Kura now. Ryou also had orange eyes and black wings.

"Wow, I'm amazed you do all that for free." Kura said to Hydrogenetic.

"We dragons don't use money! But out leader Contrast is obsessed with coins!"

Kura smiled. "We both know the real reason is because I could wipe out your entire realm with ease, so you have no choice but to help me!" He muttered.

Kura left with demon-Ryou back to Hell.

-Somewhere In Space-

Falco was flying his beloved Arwing randomly around space. Yes he was drunk as usual, but that only improved his flying skills. He saw an interesting planet nearby and as he approached it he couldn't help but stare at how amazing it was. It was simply so incredible that as he headed for it, he didn't notice how close he was getting to it. He hit the brakes but and made a brilliant landing on the grass. That's right it was the best landing ever in history. He had landed the Arwing perfectly upside down. He crawled out, competely unaffected.

-Hyrule-

There was a handy sign on a nearby tree to the field he had landed in.

'Welcome to Hyrule'

Unfortunately Falco didn't notice is because he was drunk and he just staggered around. Soon he encountered Link who rolled everywhere. It was the preferred form of movement in Hyrule. Everyone in Hyrule rolled; it was their form of walking and completely normal to them. Of course, since Falco was drunk it seemed normal to him. Link saw Falco as a threat and charged at him. Falco, although drunk, knew he was in (not much) danger, so he drew his blaster and threw the piece of paper he had used at Link's face. It blinded Link long enough for Falco to jump up into a tree and hide. Link couldn't find Falco. Link couldn't climb trees in this location.

Then Link's fate was sealed as Marth flew down from the sky.

"Listen! You're going to die, Link!" Navi yelled in Link's (now deaf) ear.

Marth drew his trusted Falchion sword and laughed his opponent.

"This time, I will destroy you! For I am the truly superior swordsman!"

Link was unable to reply but he charged at Marth, wielding the master sword. Marth didn't flinch. He just stood there, completely clam about the whole situation. When Link was in range, Marth used a forward smash which sent Link flying very far into the distance. Link flew through the air straight into a volcano. A faint hookshot noise was heard but Marth thought nothing of it. Marth and Link had fought many times before after Link dropped a Twix Wrapper on the ground and refused to pick it up. Marth and always won the battle but for unknown reasons, Link always managed to survive. After that, Marth flew away again, his work was done here…for now.

Falco climbed down the tree and staggered back to his Arwing. On the way he encountered a shiny object on the ground where Link had once stood. He picked it up and kept it. He had the triforce piece of courage but he didn't know it's true value, he just kept it because it was nice and shiny.

-Dragon Realm-

Contrast was sitting on a desert island, inside a yugioh card, inside a pokeball, inside the desk on which he worked. Yes no one could ever understand this dragon. He wrote 'H-A-L-P' with stones on the sand but it gave him no help. Poor dragon. Then he simply teleported himself back into his office in the Flying Killerz base.

He went to the back of his office and opened a cupboard and millions of coins fell out. Contrast collected coins, he was obsessed with them for unknown reasons, even although the Dragon Realm did not use and form of money. He looked through his precious coin collection for hours before a sudden look of anger spread across his face. He left his office with the coins still on the floor and walked into the office just outside of his on the right. The office of Toxicdefect Apologetic, a male green dragon who everyone blamed for their problems and Toxicdefect always apologized for everything he did. He was second in command of the Flying Killerz. Nobody else wanted his job. Also he was the last green dragon alive and thus subject to a lot of abuse.

"Toxicdefect! It's your fault my entire coin collection burst out of a cupboard!" Contrast roared.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Toxicdefect replied. Being green was a curse and he was also doomed to be extremely and unlucky and thus anything you throw will hit him on the head, even if you throw it from the other side of the universe. He had the worst luck ever and he knew it.

After that, Contrast felt a lot better and walked along the roof back to his own office and sat contently on his seat. You see, the Flying Killerz never got any work done.

-Hell-

Ryou was content. Yet his mind gave him some troubling thoughts and his increased strength was a (minor) hazard for Kura. 'To hell with resisting temptation!' He thought to himself before he lunged straight at Kura.

"RAPE ME!" Ryou yelled at Kura, who was extremely surprised at this strange behavior from the former angel.

"Alright, but you didn't call me master…perhaps you forgot." Kura uttered before he pressed Ryou against a wall. To Kura's further surprise, Ryou ripped his own clothes off with his new demon claws.

"You're f good at this!" Ryou screamed during the rape. Kura didn't believe his ears…Ryou just swore…Kura almost had a heart attack. This was his first sign that demon-Ryou was going to cause him endless problems.

-Outskirts Of Hell-

Diablos was amused. His arch nemesis, Kura was causing himself enough problems. Demon-Ryou would be progressively harder to keep. However Diablos still wanted to take over and rule hell! He had a…diabolical plan! He knew Marth was dangerous to both him and Kura (not to mention the whole of hell!) but Diablos knew that Bowser had kidnapped Marth's sister. Yes she was dead but she was also after-alive, just like all angels are! (Life after death, eternal life?) Diablos was lucky enough to have witnessed Bowser kidnapping Marth's sister. Why, Diablos was such a lucky evil super demon!

Diablos decided to tell Marth what Bowser had done. Heck, it might even get him in Marth's good books (maybe)!

-Gates Of Heaven-

Now a minor problem in Diablos's plan was, since he was a demon (and an evil one at that!) he was unable to get into Heaven to see Marth. Well he just knocked on the pearly gates and waited and soon enough, Marth appeared before him.

"Are you ready to after die Diablos!?" Marth yelled as he drew the Falchion sword, much better than Falco could draw and he prepared to throw the piece of paper at Diablos to blind him but Diablos spoke in the nick of time.

"I know where your sister is!" Diablos yelped uneasily in the presence of a super angel such as Marth.

"TELL ME!" Marth commanded coldly.

"Bowser has kidnapped her along with several other princesses'!" Diablos squeaked.

"If you're lying, I will tie you to a pole upside down and saw you straight down vertically!" Marth screeched in a fury before he flew straight to hell.

Diablos crept back to the outskirts of hell. His plan was working so far.

-Corneria-

Falca had wondered where Falco had been all day. Well, no need to worry too much, she thought as she watched mind-numbing television shows. That always takes your mind off things.

-Hell-

Ryou had tired Kura out so much, that Kura had fallen asleep. Ryou looked furious; he was no longer very patient. He kicked Kura very hard in an attempt to wake him up. It was effective than a Falcon Punch as Kura suddenly woke up from the shock.

"Did you hit me?" Kura muttered in complete disbelief. This could not be happening, no way, he thought. Ryou hit him!? Yeah right! What next? Bowser learning to read Finnish? (hardest language to learn in the world!)

Ryou showed no signs of sympathy. "Yeah I hit you, so what?" he screeched angrily.

"I don't like you being a demon." Kura answered. He had been saddened greatly.

"Well I like being a demon and that's what matters!" Ryou yelled in reply without a second thought.

"I know you don't mean to hit me." Kura responded before he hugged Ryou as gently as he could. Ryou bit him.

"I have to find a way to turn you back into the Ryou I knew and loved!" Kura whispered, almost crying. Ryou punched Kura hard as a reply.


	8. Bowser's Epic Win And Fail

Universal Funeral Chapter 8

**Bowser's Epic Win (And Fail)**

-Hell-

Suddenly Kura felt himself being teleported by force into a Gameboy.

-Green Greens-

The game he was being pulled into was Kirby's Dream Land. It was all Ryou's doing. Ryou seemed to enjoy causing Kura a lot of pain now. Well that's demons for you.

Kura was in a 2D world yet he kept his calm and walked forward. The first creature he met was Metaknight.

"What are you doing here? You don't appear in this game!" Kura shouted.

"My name is Metaknight and therefore I can be anywhere I want because only I am Metaknight!"

Kura simply ignored the reply and walked forward some more and he tried hard to ignore the annoying music that seemed to be playing in loop out of nowhere. His attempts were futile; the song was going to be stuck in his head for the next week at least.

He was still undeterred and he easily defeated all the 'enemies' with his psychic powers and good old brute force!

Then he teleported out of the game. Now why didn't he just do that in the first place!?

-Hell-

"Ryou, stop! This…this is…MADNESS!" He screamed when he was back in his castle, in front of demon-Ryou.

"This is Sperrow!" Ryou responded as he threw a handy box full of the pokemon Sperrow at Kura. They started pecking Kura.

"I will capture you all one day and be a pokemon master!" Kura shouted in confusion before he thought.

"Wait. Ryou Sperrow doesn't rhyme with Sparta! You fool!" Kura yelled in even more confusion.

Suddenly, Mewtwo burst into the room and threw master balls at all the sperrow and caught them all. Mewtwo's infinite supply of balls was very useful.

"What are you doing to my father?" Mewtwo boomed at Ryou in supreme anger.

"I didn't do anything." Ryou replied, trying to look innocent and failing miserably.

"You are a demon now!" Mewtwo said in surprise when he noticed Ryou had black wings.

Then Shadow burst into the room and lunged at Mewtwo. The two of them were then caught in an epic battle again.

Kura was greatly weakened but he picked Ryou up and carried him to the Dragon Realm with all his remaining might.

-Somewhere In Space-

Falco was once again flying through space in that really beloved Arwing of his. He had decided to take a mental note that the Hyrule planet was dangerous but he had run out of paper after using it all for drawing his blaster.

Anyway he flew his Arwing all the way back to Corneria. Yes he's still drunk; you don't win a prize for guessing that though. He did another one of his 'perfect' landings outside Falca's house. Yes he now knew where it was by sheer luck.

-Corneria-

Falca ran out her house to see what all the noise was about. She saw that an Arwing had been landed right in front of her door, upside down, yet was still in perfect shape and the pilot, Falco crawled out unaffected.

"We meet again, Faclo." Falca said in utter shock.

"I decided to drop in for a visit." He replied.

"I can see that." Falca muttered.

"Hey I heard you were a mechanical genius, do you think you could upgrade my Arwing to make it even better…if that's even possible because it's so perfect now!" Falco boasted.

"…Sure." Falca responded, confused by Falco's weird behavior.

-Hell-

Marth landed right outside Bowser's castle and knocked down half of the wall with his Falchion sword.

Bowser drew his claws and prepared to fight but when he saw it was Marth, he ran away screaming.

"That's the best thing to do, you foolish demon! And you're deluded wearing a stupid mask and kidnapping princesses…not to mention fighting a plumber! I know all about my enemies!" Marth shouted after Bowser.

Marth walked through the ruins and… his sister was nowhere to be seen! Not even the other princess's were here! Bowser knew Marth was coming because Kura had warned him! Bowser had done something smart, he had moved the princess, including Marth's sister somewhere else and he had confused Marth by running away screaming!

However, Marth didn't know the truth. He thought Diablos had deceived him! He flew straight out of hell in a terrible rage and he glowed with power!

-Outskirts Of Hell-

"We meet again, Diablos! Now I'm so angry I can't be bothered carrying out what I was originally going to do to you because it would take too long! Instead I'm going to slice you to pieces!" Marth yelled as he lunged at Diablos and then he slashed Diablos with his Falchion sword. Diablos never stood at chance. But was he truly afterdead this time?

Then forgetting what he was angry about, Marth flew back to heaven.

-Hell-

Bowser laughed hard! He had deceived Marth Lowell! He had done the impossible! And although he didn't know it, he had defeated Diablos indirectly! Bowser had simply built another castle and was now living in it. He was smarter than he looked!

-Dragon Realm-

With the last once of his strength, Kura knocked on Hydrogenetic's    �   

"What do you want this time?" Hydrogenetic asked.

"I need you to turn this demon back into an angel, like he was biologically!" Kura uttered fast.

Hydrogenetic was soon at work. There was almost nothing he couldn't do. It only took him fifteen minutes to turn Ryou back into an angel.

So Ryou now looked like he originally did. Green eyes, white fluffy wings, no claws!

Ryou walked out and saw Kura was greatly weakened. He knew that he was responsible for this!

"I'm sorry master. I didn't know what happened to me!" He apologized.

"I think…I'm going to afterdie." Kura muttered weakly.

Ryou was now weaker again but he had the strength to carry Kura back to hell.

-Hell-

Ryou gently put Kura on his bed and then stared at him sadly…and full of guilt.

"What have I done…I've afterkilled my beloved master!" Ryou sobbed uncontrollably.

"I forgive you. I need to tell you something… very… important… dear Ryou… your…" Kura managed to say before his fiery eyes froze over and he spoke no more.

"NO!" Ryou screamed in mental pain.

The noise alerted Mewtwo and Shadow who both stopped fighting and burst into Kura's room.

"Daddy's dead!?" Shadow yelled in disbelief.

"What could have killed OUR MIGHTY FATHER!?" Mewtwo responded, also amazed.

"I guess we'll never know." Ryou said lamely but he could now look innocent again.

"Hey, you were a demon an hour ago!" Mewtwo boomed loudly.

"Yeah I changed back. Being an angel suits me better." Ryou managed to say before bursting into tears again.

"This means our only opponent to the throne of hell is out grandfather. Mewtwo, how about we work together and split 50-50? It's the only way we can beat Blood Falcon!" Shadow interrupted.

"Yeah, let's do it right now." Mewtwo replied proudly.

"What becomes of me?" Ryou asked nicely.

"Simple, we'll afterkill you; you are a stinking angel after all!" Shadow laughed just before Bowser burst into the room.

News spreads fast in hell.

"Kura's dead! Ryou, come live with me or I'll let these guys afterkill you!" Bowser said happily.

"…Ok I'll live with you. Hey Bowser, shouldn't you rule hell before these guys?" Ryou stated.

"No. I already have the Mushroom Kingdom to rule and since those two are going to work together…I don't want to fight them!" Bowser replied before he grabbed Ryou and dragged him to his castle.

Blood Falcon was standing in the corner. He had seen everything.

"So planning to overthrow me…before Kura's funeral!?" Blood Falcon yelled angrily.

"Oh no! We'll have his funeral first! It'll be fun!" Shadow answered.

"Kura made some new friends from the dragon realm; perhaps we should invite them to his funeral too?" Mewtwo suggested.

"Sure, not a problem!" Blood Falcon said, his anger gone.

-Corneria-

"So have you upgraded my Arwing yet!?" Falco suddenly belted out.

"Hey patience. This is a complicated procedure, it'll take some time, and you should be helping me!" Falca replied.

"How about we get married first?" Falco said at the least appropriate moment.

"Alright. Right now?" Falco said to Falco's delight.

"Yeah, let's get married in hell, baby!" Falco responded suddenly.

-Hell-

A lot of beings were at Kura's funeral.

Who was the minister? DAFFY DUCK! (Random)

"First you're going to have to sit through a sudden wedding of Falco and Falca." Daffy said to the assembled Demons.

"But we don't even know those people." Shadow complained loudly.

"Silence! I know how much you demons hate weddings! But you're having a FUNeral after this!" Daffy replied.

So Falco and Falca were married. Yay. Then they flew away in Falco's Arwing.

"I thought you wanted to be married on an Arwing." Falca muttered.

"Go with the moment baby!" Falco responded as he skillfully piloted his half upgraded Arwing. Bingo, he's drunk again.

So yeah Kura was in a coffin now.

"When are you going to open the box?" Gamma (Contrast's son) shouted but no one answered!

Toxicdefect was one of the ones invited to Kura's funeral. Big mistake. He did something very stupid at every funeral he went to.

"He's still after alive!" Toxicdefect shouted as he ran forwards and grabbed Kura's afterdead body and began using electricity magic on him.

"It's after alive!" He yelled but to no effect.

"That's the last time I try to bring someone back to the afterlife!" Toxicdefect said as he threw Kura back down and walked away back to his seat.

He always said that. Of course he'd be back at the next funeral!

"Looks like daddy is afterdead now." Mewtwo said coldly.

"Yeah. He won't reply to anything we say. Thos could be fun. Hey dad, Marth said he wants to marry you!" Shadow joked.

Suddenly Kura's body shook and his eyes were on fire again. He stood up to everyone's surmise.

"What was that Shadow?" He mumbled.

"I lied. I never expected you to suddenly move like that!" Shadow uttered.

Half of the guests ran outside at that moment in fear.

Ryou lunged himself at Kura.

"You're afterlive, master!" Ryou yelled as he glomped Kura by surprise.

"I thought Shadow said something very interesting…it sparked me back to life." Kura responded.

"Hey! That's my angel now!" Bowser shouted in the distance.

"It's my property! Deal with it!" Kura screeched back.

Bowser walked away, in a huff once more.


End file.
